So Close
by AMelloMelody
Summary: Mello checks the scores for the monthly exams at 5am, before anyone else is around. He doesn't want anybody to know how desperate he is to surpass Near and how devastated he is when it is never the case. But somebody else has woken themselves up at this ungodly hour and it's not to check their score. Mello x Matt


So Close

Slowly, silently, Mello crept from the bedroom he shared with Matt. He wanted to have this moment to himself. To be alone. He didn't want to wake anybody. With that thought in mind, Mello delicately dawdled through the corridors rather than walking with his usual confident stride. At this moment, confident was the last thing he felt.

It was the first of November. The date didn't hold much significance to most students at Wammy's but for Mello, the first day of any month was a day with the potential to make or break him. At precisely 5am on the first of each month, Roger would post the results from the monthly exams on the noticeboard.

Mello's heart thudded in his leather-clad chest, his breathing was heavy and his stomach was uneasy. His fingers were crossed on one hand whilst the other hand clutched at the rosary he wore around his neck. He glanced over his shoulder nervously. Nobody was ever up at this hour, he knew that, but it didn't change the fact that he never wanted anybody to see him like this.

Mello pushed open the door to the lounge hesitantly. He surveyed the room quickly and after determining that nobody was inside, he rushed in and sat down in a corner of the room, pulling his knees up to his chest.

The clock in the corner informed Mello that it was five minutes until 5am. He could feel the familiar sensation of a chocolate bar digging into him from inside of the pocket of his jacket, but for once, Mello didn't feel like eating it. His stomach wasn't settled enough. He was already on the brink of vomiting. Adding a chocolate bar to that equation would be unwise.

The lounge was dark and empty of its normal crowd of students chatting and laughing. Nobody else cared enough about their scores to wake themselves at this hour. Not even Near, the number one student at Wammy's. No, Mello corrected himself internally, it wasn't that Near didn't care, it was that he was confident. He was sure that he would maintain his number one spot month after month, and for that reason, he felt no need to wake himself early.

The light flicked on, and Mello clutched his knees more tightly to his chest, digging his nails into the palms of his hands. Roger entered the room and stood in front of the cork board, holding a piece of paper and a pin. Mello pressed his lips together and prayed for Roger not to acknowledge his presence, not that he normally did.

Roger knew that Mello was there. Every month, it was the same. At this ungodly hour, on this day of every month, Roger would enter the lounge to find Mello sat in the corner, waiting. He pretended not to notice, for both Mello's benefit and his own, considering that were he to express his sorrow for the boy, he would surely be hit by whatever projectile Mello had seen fit to throw at him. But nonetheless, his heart ached and he sighed, posting the seemingly-innocent sheet of paper on the noticeboard. This simple action, Roger knew, would cause pain to the young boy. With a heavy heart, he rushed out of the room, wishing that he could have posted something different, just once.

Mello attempted to swallow the lump in his throat as he stood up on shaking legs. He approached the cork board with caution, his heart thudding whilst he tried to tell himself not to get his hopes up. But it was too late. His hopes were already up and with one glance at the first two lines of the paper, they came crashing down around him.

"1. Near 100%

2. Mello. 99%"

And that was enough to drag a faint, strangling sound from Mello's lips as he wiped away tears that were already pouring down his face. One percent. One insignificant question answered incorrectly on a one-hundred question paper. And that was all it took for Mello to be beaten again by a boy two years younger, but ultimately superior to himself.

Other people, they often pointed out to him that it didn't matter if he hadn't come first, because he was so close that it was virtually the same score. It should mean the same thing. But it didn't. That was worse. Mello had always been _so_ close, but never quite there. And somehow, he couldn't seem to unlock that small part of his mind that he could push to make himself equivalent to Near, if not, surpass him. It killed him, knowing that he was so close. That one little error was what broke it for him.

Mello held back his sobs and wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt. He crept out of the lounge and hurried back to his room. He didn't want anybody to know just how much he cared. But Mello knew that there was one person who did.

Mello pushed his room key into the lock and slipped inside. Here, in the safety of his own room, he allowed his tears to flow freely with no attempts to stop them. Normally, he would not have been so upset. He would force the disappointment from his mind, reminding himself that he couldn't just break down every time this happened, otherwise he would drive himself mad. But this time, this time he had been so hopeful. After the exam, Mello had been sure of every answer, he had truly thought that he had a chance this time. For once, he half expected to see his name printed next to the number one.

Mello pulled off his leather jacket and threw it to the ground beside the wall. He climbed into his bed again and as sobs shook his body, he was suddenly aware of somebody on the bed beside him and arms wrapping around his waist.

Matt had set his alarm to wake him at 5am, as it did on the first of every month. Not to check on his grades, but to check on his Mello. He would pretend to be asleep until Mello was in bed, at which point he would slide in next to Mello and hold him, whether he was truly upset or not.

It wasn't often that Mello came back in tears. Normally only once, maybe twice a year. More frequently, he would simply be fed up and exhausted. But nonetheless, Matt had always been there, awaiting Mello's return ever since they were only eight years old.

Matt began to stroke Mello's hair gently and placed a delicate kiss on his lips. Mello melted into Matt's warm embrace and rested his cheek against the redhead's chest as tears trickled silently down his face.

**A.N. Okay, so I've never tried hurt/comfort before, as you can probably tell. This is the first story I have posted, so I'm not really sure about it but I'm open to constructive criticism so please let me know what you thought. :) Please review, I would really appreciate it, even if just saying "I like it." or "I don't like it."**

**The sequel "Just Once" is now up! :)**


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